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I'll make sure everyone is asleep—my mother, my brother Saud, my sister Salma, and the maid. Then I'll open the box of pills I bought from the pharmacy and put as many as I can into my fist. I'll close my fist so the pills don't fall out, holding them tightly like precious gold coins. I'll open my phone to look at a picture of my family for the last time in my life. Then I'll open my hand and swallow all the pills at once. I'll lay my head on my pillow and close my eyes…